牛人挤公车的10种方案

刀狂

作为21世纪的新青年，在我们天天向上的日子里，必须与讨厌的公交车打交道。一天的郁闷从此开始，大概谁都有因挤不上公车而迟到被老板骂的经历吧，公车对于等车的上班族们就如同食品对于难民一样，理所当然的食少人多。

  方案1——从见到此文起，不刷牙，不洗，不洗脚，不洗澡……坚持数月后即可见效。挤车时蜂拥的人群会因你身上的恶臭而敬而远之，何愁挤不上乎？适易人群：任何人。

  优点:方便，轻松。在某种意义上满足了部分男人的生活习性。缺点：会被认为是乞丐而遭拒绝上车，也有遭群殴的危险。也不排除以毁坏公司形象为由而被上司直接踢出大门。

  成功率：★★★

  危险性：★★

  实用性：★★★

  方案2——想尽一切办法把自己打扮成一个光亮MM。挤车时，多数男同胞们会以你为中心挤在身边，轻松被“带”上车。适易人群：MM们。

  优点：在轻松上车的同时，会多一大批追求者并且可以满足自己小小的虚荣心，而且就算迟到上司也不会太在意。漂亮MM的魅力是挡不住的。缺点：仅限漂亮MM，且有被骚扰的危险。

  成功率：★★★★

  危险性：★★★

  实用性：★★★★

  方案3——早上4点准时起床，赶至。适易人群：所有人。

  优点：可充分享受一个人的自由空间，你横躺都没人管你。缺点：长时间晚睡早起造成神经衰弱，到单位后再等3个多小时才能开门，还有就是有点冷。

  成功率：★★★★★

  危险性：★

  实用性：★★★★

  方案4——很简单，从车窗爬进。适易人群：胖的，老的，都禁用。

  优点：方便快捷。缺点：要有敏捷的身手为前提。可能窗口有人且那人不理你，以至从头扒到站，并且不排除途中掉下车的可能。

  成功率：★★★★

  危险性：★★★★

  实用性：★★★★

  方案5——学习某某高等技术学校提供的挤车术，电话13*********。适易人群：全部。

  优点：如入无人之境，左冲右突，十八般绝技悉数施出，轻松上车。缺点：昂贵的学费，群众的愤怒，看着办吧。

  成功率：★★★★

  危险性：★★

  实用性：★★★

  方案6——女用长丝袜一只，套头上，菜刀一把(也可用玩具枪代替)。对拥挤的人群大喊：“全都趴下。”(此句话要靠现场发挥)适易人群：从以往经验看，比较适合男的。

  优点：不但可以上车，还是走在从人群中让出来的道上，可充分享受万人膜拜的感觉。缺点：被扭送公安机关，且被控告为持刀(枪)抢劫。如碰到不要命“雷锋”型的，下文过于血腥不便描述。

  成功率:★★★★

  危险性:★★★★

  实用性:★★★★

  方案7——远远的看到公车来时，把准备好的“液态混合物”(至于配方因人而异，配料要以自己的恶心极限为准)从自己头上倒下。适易人群：全部。

  优点：与方案一有异曲同工之妙。缺点：上车前先把自己恶心死。

  成功率:★★★★

  危险性:★★

  实用性:★★★

  方案8——准备白布1-3米，宽10-20公分，以绕圈式在头部绕N圈直至用完，喊：“让一下，让一下。偶快不行了……”适易人群：全部人。

  优点：不但可以上车，还是被人送上去的，而且还有位坐。缺点：被好心人直接送医院。(这年头好心人做不得)

  成功率:★★★★★

  危险性:★

  实用性:★★★★★

  方案9——以暴易暴！

  适易人群：长着一副抢银行样子的人。

  优点：打人谁都会。缺点：都说软的怕硬的，但是硬的怕不要命的。欺负欺负软柿子还行，碰上不要命的主，求个全尸吧。题外话：总有些人是惹不得的。

  成功率：★★★

  危险性：★★★★

  实用性：★★★   

  方案10——买车！

  适易人群：小资阶级和暴发户。

  优点：以后再也不用挤了。缺点：买车钱先不说，光是车的保养(包括修车)每年就要3-4千元，而且每年以1-2千元成等差数列增加，还有就是乞求千万别塞车!

  成功率:★★★★★

  危险性:★

  实用性:★★

longteeth

有点意思.

pla

想的出来呀，楼主

xuchang05

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shrkog

怎么都对公交感兴趣了?

qq5210

我还是选方案2吧～～～:lol

汤汤汤

悠然飘过。。。我不用挤公交

goodedmund

不知有没有人试过？

chnhhwz

好多年没挤过公车了
我这城市小
不挤

我来啦

我天天坐公交车。

gl2525

点子够绝的呀！！

温柔的风

偶步行.

sansa520

偶穷啊..坐不起东莞的公车..

wwwjjk

路况好的情况下，可以考虑坐公交

armymangl

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